aertegraeve

FatLoss4Idiots.com?

2008-11-12T23:07:00.000-08:00

Weight Loss Facts:

Low Fat Foods DON'T WORK.

You cannot lose weight using Low Fat Diets. Low fat foods have been popular for more than 15 years, but yet our society is getting more overweight as each year passes. This fact alone should tell you that eating a purely low fat menu is not the answer to losing weight.

Low Calorie Diets DON'T WORK.

You won't lose weight using a Low Calorie Dieting Plan either. In fact, eating low calories is the worst thing that you can do to your body, since that will only slow down your body's fat burning engine and ruin all chances of losing weight (low calorie diets may allow a few pounds of weight loss for the first few days, but then after that all weight loss comes to a halt --- known as a dieting plateau). You can never get slim by starving yourself.

Low Carb Plans DON'T WORK.

You'll probably find it extremely difficult to get slim using a Low Carb Dieting Plan. Low carb diets have recently become popular over the last couple years, but the problem with low carb menus is that they are too strict and TOO HARD TO FOLLOW for average people. Low carb menus tend to rob your body of too much energy (carbohydrates) and make it nearly impossible to remain on the program for very long. This is why so many dieters find it difficult to follow a strict low carbohydrate menu.

What about Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig Dieting Plans?

Weight loss programs such as Weight Watchers (and Jenny Craig) usually involve slower dieting progress over a longer period of time, since such programs generally promise only 2-3 pounds of weight loss per week. Also, programs such as Jenny Craig usually involve buying special meals and/or dietary supplements during the initial phases of the program. While some people may like these types of dietary programs, we prefer a dieting plan which focuses on faster weight loss, such as the Accelerated Fat Burning Program shown below...

Weight losing is hard but its definitely not harder than a person with high metabolism to gain weight!Try out this program, it offers easy way for people to learn about the latest dieting and weight loss information, and to succeed.

This entire site is focused on giving dieters a NON starvation type of weight loss program, a diet which is NOT focused on starving the body of calories or carbs -- because starvation diets do not work and will only make you miserable, leaving you feeling weak and lethargic all day.

FatLoss4Idiots.com is all about giving new and cutting edge dietary information, to show you a new way of dieting which is different from what you've seen before. If you follow the dieting advice on this site then you'll go beyond traditional diets -- and into the future of smart weight loss.

Go find out more bout how to lose weight!

FatLoss4Idiots.com

"Gold Secrets Guide for World of Warcraft"

2008-11-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

"Gold Secrets Guide for World of Warcraft"

its like a compact ebook (PDF format, 325 pages!) he lay out all the gold creating secrets he has discovered in his 3 years of playing World of Warcraft.

Quotes from his site.

Get Your Epic Flying Mount- I've already purchased my epic flying mount on multiple characters...have you? Get started now!
Get Your Epic Ground Mount- Never again lose in PvP because you can't catch your enemy!
Own Epic Items- It's tough to get in the high-end instances to get the really good loot. Now you can afford to buy the best epics available to you!
Raise Your Reputation- Buy as many items as you need to raise your faction and learn the best recipes and skills!
Dominate the Auction House- You can take control of the market and make everyone buy their materials from you- when you know the secrets!
Master Your Tradeskill- Level up expensive professions like Enchanting, Jewelcrafting and Engineering easily.
And more...

Give it a try, go visit his website! I've played WOW its very difficult to enjoy the luxury of the game if your not well prepared.Paying the monthly fee to waste even more time and money to just learn around the game. its a waste of time,try this ebook and see your character fly with flying mount and earn hard WOW gold FAST!

HERE's the magnificient WOW guide site!
Luke Brown's Gold Secrets Guide for World of Warcraft

All this is just a guide, the rest you'll have to invest ur time and effort and you'll see results! Lerooyyy Jennkiinnnsss!!! hahahaha, its difficult to achieve great success in original server but its POSSIBLE!

SEO ELITE

2008-11-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

SEO Elite

wat does it do?
Well, it does ALOT. But it does it in a way that even an absolute newbie could understand. Afterall, I designed it for myself and my staff, and I have to admit that we're not the sharpest tools in the shed.

Get a glance at exactly why the top ranked websites are currently ranked where they are.

Learn what changes you need to make to your website in order to outrank your competition, getting you a #1 search engine ranking.

You'll learn extremely intimate details about your competition and why they're ranking highly. Things that are critically important to know, to outrank them.

You'll instantly see things like who's linking to them, why they're link to them. Are they buying links, trading links, or both? Plus much more!

You'll be able to legally and ethically see things about your competition that, until now, only Google knows!

You can then take those things and improve upon them to outrank your competition!
And much more!

How YOU Can Go...

From This: 19 random visitors a day
To This: Averaging 12,783 visitors a day!

GO have yourself a look at his website, Brad Callen's SEO Elite™!

Master Cleanse, Benefits of Body Cleanse

2008-11-01T13:52:00.000-07:00

Discover how you can transform your body in just 10 days...

Benefits of Body Cleanse

We absolutly must get these toxins out of our bodies if we want to cure and prevent chronic lifestyle disease. When we eliminate the poisons from our system the rewards are tremendous:

We will see an immediate increase in our energy level.
The Immune System will increase efficient functioning
Increased assimilation of nutrients
It will help us to lose weight. (For those who need to lose weight)
Depression, anxiety, stress and fatigue dramatically reduced or eliminated
Your hair,skin and nails begin to radiate and glow
Food cravings reduced or eliminated
The potential to reverse most illness and disease.

It's called the Master Cleanse, and for more then 50 years it's been the diet of choice for anyone who wants fast results

Mastercleansesecrets.com

Registry Easy

2008-11-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

Registry Easy™is an award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC safely. Registry Easy™ cleans the errors & invalid entries that cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing. Repair registry problems! Improve your PC performance!

Why Use Registry Easy™?

Registry Easy™ uses a high-performance detection algorithm that will quickly identify missing and invalid references in your Windows registry. With a few easy steps Registry Easy™ will scan your entire Windows registry for any invalid or obsolete entries and provide a list of the registry errors found. After that you can choose to clean list items with selection or automatically repair them all.

For your convenience and protection, Registry Easy also provides a backup mechanism for any repaired files so that you can easily recover any changes if required.

To buy this software i recommend u guys go directly to this site,

Registry Easy™

Japanese Ghost in Japan

2008-11-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

Look at this

apparently from a japanese girl in a room.

This is really scary. the lil girl stuck and is there...

Rain's (Bi) New album Rainism Vol. 5

2008-10-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

Its been long since his new album, this time his new album is all new and retro fitting. look at the bad boy smart dresses! The new rainism is in motion!

Track List

01. My Way (Intro)

02. Rainism

03. Only You

04. Love Story (0912 ...... that later)

05. I love

06. My girl

07. You

08. Fresh Woman

09. More dragged (Feat. taewan aka C-Luv)

10. Turn your head

11. Sept. 12

12. My Way

13. Rainism Remix

If u guys want to download Rainism album vol. 5 here's the link,

http://sharebee.com/298e3b07

choose the zShare link its faster. (^^) GO RAIN!

Password : www.z-degrees.net

Jenny, Juno

2008-06-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

The film's subject matter provoked intense discussion in the media upon its release in South Korea. Although there is no sex scene between the protagonists, the film was initially given a rating of 18+, but this was lowered to 15+ upon appeal. Critics expressed concerns that the film's presentation of teenage pregnancy was unrealistic, in that Jenny is from a well-to-do, secure family that is able to support her decision, and that this might send the wrong message to less fortunate teens. Kim Ho-joon, the film's director, responded to this criticism by stating:

"Jenny and Juno are certainly wayward children who should have never done a thing they did for their age. But it was an accident that they made the mistake and their love is in a way innocent. What should be really criticized is not the couple but adults who only say 'no.' This film shows how they make a mistake but how we should take responsibility."

To me i feel that this movie although friggin sweet and loving i admire the guy's guts and undying love for the girl and is not afraid to show his love i guess thats what made the gurl love her so much. i SALUTE U JUNO! hahaha. got lots to learn. anyway check this movie out. its made in 2005 the girl is 1989 and the guy is 1988

started out as a feeling...

2008-06-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

The Call by Regina Spektor.(Narnia - Prince Caspian)

I don't realy know what it's about, but I just think it's about a joung girl and boy in love, but it's a silent love, one no one knows about.
(Maybe it's a secret love, not allowed to excist?)
But for some reason, the boy have to go away, here for the battle, may be something else. He has to leave her. But yet they know that their love is true and that if they wait long enough at the end, they wil come back together, because it's ment to be.
And finally, everything will be allright..

by Janaake on 05-15-2008 @ 09:59:35 PM
(http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=3530822107858721050)

This song is very touching and i do mean it mean alot to me for it fit so much to my heart. everything's changing.i lost and i've gain but still the feeling of losing is more to bear,i misses my grandma,losing her was something i couldn't prepare myself for. just becoz everyone's moved on doesn't mean i will forget her.
things are very beautiful, life is wonderful and we seem to forget it.
i can never win the lil baby eliot who lived for 99 days when he was not able to live more than 1 day, it was his might and strength to live and the parent's unconditional love that kept him,i salute him. he was just a baby.

The Click 5

2008-06-04T01:25:00.000-07:00

Lately i like this song very much~ hah! the click five - jenny~

She calls me baby
then she wont call me
says she adores me
and then ignores me
(Jenny, What's the problem?)

She keeps her distance
and sits on fences
puts up resistance
and builds defenses
(Jenny, Whats the problem?)

You keep me hanging on the line
everytime you change your mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

She needs her own space
she's playing mind games
ends up at my place
saying that she's changed
(Jenny, what's the problem?)

I'm trying to read between the lines
you got me going out of my mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
Jenny

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got lick knees
Jenny, It's killing me

It's killing me

Jenny

Free Music

Life's on our own.

2008-05-30T03:22:00.000-07:00

We live life on our own,Parents are for while and the rest we're on our own.

i live on them for all too long, frustrated and unable to live by my own records i'm disgusted by the fate that binds me to this low life scum!

I envy those around me that live life without worries and enjoy the memoirs of good life. i despice my fate my journey...i know some part im better off than others. we can never have wat we want all the time. its just not fair but this is the situation im in and for some reason i dislike having lousy personal gadgets. i am so so frustrated when my phone broke down, why? wat causes me to strut over such silly issues and frowning over it doesn't settle anything. i am a more high person than i was before but i am unable to control my anger over the issue that i got a broken phone, i didn't plan to make it happen, it just undesirably happen and wat on the surface of emotion can i do about it? i think of it as a chance for me to get something new but i know i am in no position to ask for such a thing, its expensive and it provide no return in future. life is seriously on a road to disaster for me if i kept up like this. i have my wants but my personal level how am i even possible to buy myself a decent clothing to cover my emotions? i tret and i frustrate but its not all bout me. i have more bigger responsibility and i know once the anger resides i will learn more from the incident in which degraded me so so much. i lost my contacts,important dates,personal infomation which belongs to me. i felt that im so depending on my fellow white gadget which we called cell phone.

learn from this?
yeah never to be so attached to a gadget hahaha,
life doesnt end.
its not always about me.
bad things can turn into good stuff... see i can get a cheap new phone better than an old i can never accept mentally haha.

i am not matured completely hehehe humble i must!

Notch cha head!!

2008-05-24T04:42:00.000-07:00

EHH? ehh? what? you! no YOU!

reader la doooiii... hahaha, arigato manyak manyak for reading ma humble lil blog-ghetto. sums it up, cheers to readers who took the trouble to read ma precious lil experience i laid out over this black web page,

i had blast today and its only the IU day!

what'da bout MONKEY, monkey what? MONKEY BEACH!

aite guys i am gonna have more fun at monkey beach but i will make sure that special someone recieve my special attention. well its all bout living life to the fullest whether its dark or rainbow-ish! life it to the fullest. enjoy our pain as if its what we'll go by remembering our dark and sorrow experience all down to what we called "life" its a life we must appreciate, to those around us, to those we met and fought with, we ought to give them a big hug and a pat to their back in giving us precious and unimaginable wonders of experience we get to store in our lil pink super data computer which we called "brain". Memories are like a blueprint which differ one from the others. we are what we are so fUcK you who spat on us and give a two crumby act of disatisfaction. no one is perfect so move aside and watch me live my life to the fullest. if u dont know how just ask, everyone is all willing to teach those around us how to live life to the fullest, whether is it singing in the shower, crying over a break up, laughing at how silly we are at videos taken by our friends. just don give a fucking fuck bout what others might think! THINK what you;ll feel if you miss that opportunity to enjoy the games our senior had for us, things we could have done and jsut laugh together as normal human beings we are, the more i grow the more i want to do so i dont regret when i got old and waggy over my spilled coffee... life's a personal experience worth living and its worth to be lived to the FULLEST

so go out to the dance floor and notch cha head! why shy why the timid approach? those who think like that should be scorn and left alone to rot. i never regret over what i did in the past, i only grew regret and sadness when i knew that i should have joined more activities when i was in my younger age. the joy of playing with others its still there in us, when we were kids playing pepsi cola , policeman, iceman what ever bro we just enjoy the company of others and people around us so when we grow up why the changed of attitude? i know you wouldn't want men in suits to play iceman or pepsi cola, but we have different activities, fishing, hiking, games, adventure over the land we call malaysia! we just do things differently but in the end its still the same o thing, to be with the people we care and actually enjoying what we do best,smile and share our laughter together!

SO NOTCH CHA HEAD!!!
booom i'm outta here!
remember
no regrets
life's a personal experience worth living (to its fullest!) by alvin ooi and nicole thum!

emotions of affection and desire...

2008-05-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

human emotions is full of happiness and sadness. life is full of surprise and what we need is not gold nor is it black paper. its emotions of giving our affection and the love we all craved for. its a drug that we once felt its like a must have for all. i seek to find yet i can't have it in my grip. it'll take us years to understand it yet we still melt for it so easy that we forget that its a dangerous thing to play with. we're born with love and love will be the fuel for us to move on day by day. we need not it but we must have it. weird saying but its true to many for love love love is the precious potion humans fight to have it. whether its a love for a person or for something we want to achieve or have. its all in us, we cannot live without any love in our lives. it hurt us and it comfort us it feeds us.
this is a quote i have for myself, it is how we love ourself, loving ourself its easy yet near impossible...
we poison ourself in health wise, emotional acts, whatever we give our through our mouth.

Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

Michael Masser and Linda Creed

The important thing was to love rather than to be loved.

W. Somerset Maugham

Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.

Rabbi Julius Gordon

The first duty of love is to listen.

Paul Tillich

learning to love ourself is good its hard yet fulfilling to those who have achieved it , its very much satisfying and it has unimaginable feeling to those who achieve it. it's never possible to be complete but its achievable slowly step by step.

To love itself is powerful, we live by accepting love and recieving attention and acknowledgement.i seek to find someone who acknowledge for who i am, to be loved by someone your lucky and fortunate, but to love someone with your sincere heart its godly... its a very true thing to love those around us. loving them gives them the might and energy to face what they have to and all of all ur giving more than recieving

to love someone is to understand them... i honestly feel that having someone who understands you and acknowledge your bad points and good points is someone who worth to you more than all the gold in the world. it makes my world go round when someone show me that they understand my plight and suffering. its just a good pat to the morale i have, its more of loving someone without us knowing. understanding someone isnt easy but its very satisfying to know that we can understand how she is thinking and feeling. to be able to feel together is good and fulfilling!
.
..
...
....
i
love

....
...
..
.

boiling point? its fire!

2008-05-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

i stand my ground for what i belief in and wat i belief and being weak prove no meaning in this poor harsh shallow world.its a strong survive world. i am in a body i cannot change and soul whom is stick to what we are and what we have. dont ponder and dream of others when i have mine which is unique and special to others, why can't i see it? showing others what i feel is weak and unmeaningful to others as well, they find it a hassle and discomfort after a while im sure of it, i grow to be like this, i can grow to be strong and capable and independant as well.

people grew and when the grow they forget to others. hmm so why care so much bout others they? i invest so much yet i am risking my future for it? is it worth my every precious ticking hours? no! i have always have that thought in my mind from my bro that is. learn to give yourself first before others, i always give others before myself in the end it equals to stupidity!
hahaha funny right what the agama teaches is like this, be this to others that to others la bla bla and what the guy gets? a blanket by the roadside...hahaha pffff they are the ones where they tend to other people's need instead of themself and live to suffer by themself, likely to say im one of those.. this time its full of anger, i am so soft, i don't want to be a loser, the one who takes life easily.. i have my wants and i just sit to hope it happens. all the time i read the books they always teach the opposite so i dont want to be a stress in my mind in the future. i want to be able to live life with confidence and to overcome all my problems with independant and self effort. i want to to have my mind control over my body not my heart. its easy to slouch around and sloth around.. i am brought up to be weak? i dont think so i am not going to be scorn upon by others and spit by their hight degrading self promote liquid. i seek to uphold my thoughts not to be shove aside anymore i want to be me myself n no one else. i wont let my life go to waste just like that, i want to enjoy my life not to fill my life with worries, procrastination has always live in my life from the day i got my wishes granted...i grew weak, weak i will not be anymore, if this feeling fail me after my furious and boiling tension in my blood i shall remind myself of my low degrading life if i fail to please myself first before others. its going to be hard but the harder it is the more fun it is!

this is my anger foiled upon by other's action and it made me wrote, then this blog will affect others and other's life will react upon from my few angered words. life's a chained reaction form by a single action. it connects itself in everywhere. likewise we will contact once with one another. my actions will cause a reaction that will cause this and thus enabling another to spark a never ending trail of action... this is how fate is changed and how things are affected by one another.

end my case and so is my feelings of volcanic eruptions

experientia

2008-05-11T03:01:00.001-07:00

Experientia....

They are gain through a force of action which result in lesson learnt...

A motion of feeling gather through an activity participated with mind and soul....
The apprehension of an object, thought, or emotion through the senses or mind.....
Active participation in events or activities, leading to the accumulation of knowledge or skill
Latin word its called experientia

i am obsess with the word experience, i felt that experience gained in one's life is undoubtly unmeasured by gold money or anything which has a price.my life i've learn that its not easy to gain such motion of feeling. as to such a person can freely act and control his life perfectly.. its not impossible but hard to achieve. its unexplainable but once its gain it change our lives and our reaction towards what life throws at us. we are shaped by our environments and experience we gain from life. felt fire and we'll never touch it point blank anymore. bitten by a dog we'll be aware of them...they are to protect us and to ensure we survive in this harsh world... this are a few of the physical experience we can gain from life.

emotional experience is as valuable as it is deadly. some grew tired of them, tip the switch and end their cycle of breath...there are some who grew depressed and shove aside what once pampered them and reach them inside their fragile hearts. yes i am refering to the four letter word used to gain profits from all round the world. musicians promote love bearing lyrics to the world and we are genetically wired to love and enjoy listening to this kind of songs, whether its a pain experience or a wonderful one. but man tends to grief more than they cheer happiness all round. we tend to love hardship songs and stories and all round we love to endure hardship...challenges a like is like drug to us. dull obstacles we avoid and tackle those hard ones which prove to give us more satisfaction, at least to me thats how i feel.... love is never easy as it is hard. i can never say more that i too rely to love. moreover im a human being and i too crave for that drug based feeling. i once hated love and i hated to love..i gave up on it... i despiced it i despiced that i was teared apart by the fact i was betrayed...my trust to the it was blown apart by souls i once love deeply....but it does come at a price. i gave my all and i got my return...which was a shattered heart and trust to the once worshipped word, love. now i am more than what i am a few months ago. i came along way and im not turning back, im moving, moving forward and to a better future!

experientia i earn is not easy but its worth it! i now value my family, friendship which hold me together when i am down and more over my love to myself. i learnt that i am to love myself first in order to love others...it tends to look selfish but its how humans are.. by their own kind and to spread love around them...

to learn by experience by italian is "imparare per esperienza"
and
to know by experience by french is "savoir par expérience"
and

to learn by experience by spanish is "aprender con la experiencia"

i am adding something to learn by... idiom by the word experientia.
"Put something down to experience"
(British, American & Australian, American & Australian)

To decide that instead of being upset about something bad that you have done or that has happened, you will learn from it.
'I'm so ashamed. I let him take advantage of me.' 'Don't be so hard on yourself. Just put it down to experience.'

feeling resurface

2008-05-10T12:51:00.000-07:00

Lately i found myself engulf with feelings once stood cleary was the feeling most people feel when they are in love, i was surprised and never could understand how happy i was and the thought of being able to open my heart and eyes to look at the world again with no deep scars and moving forward at my own pace is relatively painful yet fulfilling.i've learn tons from my past experience and now i'm back to square one. where is my confidence,ability to keep my head cool when everything goes hay wire. i battle myself to hold control of my bull inside me. its a tough battle and i am no winning over the brute beast. i want to earn respect and to be liked by everyone, being myself is great but by being myself means over spoken and not filtering my every words is just pure idiot not an act of beingmyself to others. i am too rush and in everything i often screw up the first chance i get. i have no regrets with this for i am too not perfect and i react to every situation with the current attributes that i have already under my belt. scorn under the burning heat of entertaining and satisfying other's needs no longer see its importance for i know people who deserve my utmost attention are those i trust and those who trust and love me for who i am. my hopes are there my desires are visible yet my mind is keeping up with the worries and doubts. its a mere human reaction to protect itself from harm it contact in the past. i write and i bloat it all out for i love literature and never fail to experiment with ways examination forbids me to do. writing down my disagreement and my fussle over matters in life is a way for me to unleash my inner stress and bundled up disagreement.

images seem to see me throughout the days. i seek to show my true self but doubt that my true self will well be recieved by others. i am working towards confidence above other's acknowledgements. i am growing up and so will my actions,emotions,thinking and personality. i will never lose my true self, whom i believe care for most of those around me and close to me. i treasure friendship, family values and most important of all love. it may not be self sufficient without friends to balance me out and my families to be there when i needed them most. my love is to make me feel there's something in life worth discovering and to be worth more to a certain someone. close proximity is one thing but deep understanding is a whole lot matter to be considered. deep understanding is important and it is as valuable as trust. seeking to match two different kind of human is difficult but not impossible. i am determined to find a relationship tat matches my wants.

i am stunned by how i react to this feeling, i grew anxious and to certain extent not sure if its the right time and moment. "not everytime life gives us the opportunity" i will grasp it no matter how i am reacting to it now. heh,sometimes we need to run before we could walk. tats how i learn to balance in bicycle and i hope i can learn to swim one day... the fear of water will forever be gone except an el nino event... with water dashing like the speed of a thousand bulls on a rampage.

i rest my sigh here. feel good and life is not emo!
live life to the fullest and never give up!
Life's a personal experience worth living by Alvin Ooi and Nicole Thum

Me,me,me! No, Not You!

2008-05-07T11:54:00.000-07:00

itchy me itchy you!

i am filled with emotions i can never ever thought of exist! smile i dont understand yet it is around me all the time filling me with the sweet emotion that run my veins into commotion as if it was a coffee house packed with caffeine addicts. uncertain of the possibilities i chose to be curious, experimenting with different smiles and masks. i am this and i am also that! impossible is just that to explain what i've done and gone through. music run through me as if they were liquid floating on gas carpets.titsy bitsy sound chirped in my lil ear space, throbbing my drum with bass in a language my brain can't decipher.

should i return to the state which i myself hate~ should i beg for attention for people have no time to give a glance to my pitiful state of code living rules. i shed without giving myself a challenge. am i that unworthy? am i that pitiful?! absence really tested me, fate taunt me, self dignity left me, what else is left for me? Its me me the only me one thats never run away no matter how weak state im in nor did me leave me when im embarrassed with blood running through the highway interlocking under my cheeks.i treat me like it doesnt exist, i feed other's need above me. i've left me for so long it is hurt deeper than what i've gone through. i am so full of guilt and sadness in me, so sorry me for i have left you to rot while i busy look at other's low glaring eyes yet all that meant to me was you always by myside, you choose not to run away becoz u cant and u never will if given a chance..

rang a bell didnt it? humans are selfish low life scum yet this simple way is spit at from all walks of life. is it? this is how we manage to survive over the generation and thrive to live on almost every part of the small dust we call planet earth or Gaia.... we are born selfish no matter how innocent and naive u can be or even how soft and holy you trained urself to be. to the most basic we humans are selfish beings genetically engineered to think and keep alert only to me no one else... go green save our earth before our dark yoke of ours engulf gaia in a state it cannot be reversible.

life's wonderful life's colourful life's amazing life's interesting life's unpredictable life's precious!

Life's a personal experience worth living by Alvin Ooi and Nicole Thum

words combined

2008-05-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

when words collide

i seek you with innocent eyes,
thoughts unfilled with reality
caged it not my feelings are held
struck by light it faltered not,
mesmerised by a mere smile i did
long for something never existed
i carefully open the gates i once shut tight,
hills echoed birds chirped lady sang fiddler played
as if it was once a pure innocent filled feeling
burning with desire it didnt not but precious
naive it is..touched? i am with my heart kneeling down to cupid's smile~
desire it now u may never see it again
desire it later chance for it to grow
you may for a chance grew to what once you felt before

poem? letter? what else could it be?
freedom of my heart!
dont understand? i choose not to understand it myself so why should you? hahahaha let life unfold itself on its own larr lol...

to my friends who work at kenlink,and another studying degree.

i want to thank you guys for helping me, to be more exact accompanying me through my few months. i learn alot of new experience and life's lesson. you all make it worthwhile, i can never ever ask for a better friend to replace each and everyone of you. 3 different people with 3 different way of mind and heart. i learn 3 different ways of understanding people. you guys are special man arrghhh so kam tong.. damn it! i laki, okay you guys are the best alright! dont ever lose contact or stop keeping in touch i want to
grow old and go to you guys eh wedding okay! dont forget to chia me go arrr or not i take knife come
find you all ahahaha. argh okok i want sleep d 1.26 am d.. hmmm study study study my book.

argh, one of ma friend will be going to taiwan so damn emo.. just met her and not 2 forget them for a few months only yet we're were so close. i was thankful to meet such friends and i am happy they hold me together when i most needed them. thank you!

Tag-ed

2008-05-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

Tag-ed by Chulan the infamous talk sri lankian boy!

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. What are you craving now?
a sunny breeze on the highest peak in penang, Bukit Bendera.

2. What was the last movie you've watched?
Run Papa Run!

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you?
hmmm is it possible to choose my close friend? Eric,Steve and uhhh Nicole?

4. What are you most happy with now?
finally letting go something i held so long.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
be someone everyone would remember and actually will miss when i passed away

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
yesh!

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
Ma close friends, *eric,steve,raine,stefenie,emily*,family and myself!

8. Why are you wasting your time to do this?
hmm i find it actually rather fulfilling!

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
definitely, but at the right moment i dont rush things.

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
good vocabulary, very courteous, friendly!(charming guy too! he attracted gurls) :P

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Caring, loving, kind, open minded, aint a selfish jerk,patient and etc.

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
selfish typos, proud and uh donno i forgive easily...

13. What is your ambition?
to be a great guy with respect from people around me rather what i want to achieve lol...

14. If you have fault, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Point it out to me so i would learn from my mistake

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Love and company from those i love

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
refer to chulan's tag hahaha i didnt mean to copy u bro~

17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you
COURTEOUS WITH A FRIENDLY TOUCH~

18. What will you do when someone faints in front of you?
grab him and shake quite to some extend the ligamens tears apart and shout histerically, of course 991 la aiyoo but sometimes if i can i would rather take them to de emergency myself ambulance tak leh trust leh

19. What makes you different?
unpredictable?

20. (edited question) Whats your favorite person or people to be with when your alone
eric,steven,raine,stefenie and emily!

held captive by conscious

2008-05-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

Deck of figures?

i think no, i grave upon the scars of my heart for so long yet it hasn't completely head i shame myself upon my dignity that it will still continue to take time for it to heal all together. more so i am happy i have found something and more importantly i am not afraid to voice out what i feel and nude expression is not a crime, i shed tears when im sad, i shout when im angry and should we be lock upon a bucket of pure sanity considered by the norm and to tuck away our true feelings n expression?

thats pure hoax and i dread upon souls who feed their everyday routines with such undignified actions!

depress i may be but some i may not,
judge upon i am every aspect of life i tread,
courage i dont consider for in nick of time things changes
so dont look at wat you see but what you can't see
thus alerting that its not wat it seems to be,
emo i may now but not forever,
readers be warned,
i bold myself for who i am so dont scrutinise wat i choose to be for i am proud of what helped shape and who helped shape into what i am and who i am!

people scan me and come to conclusion all too quickly i am a free object yet chained by the world's pressure of standing in line and doing wat im expected to do or be! throw u i will for i am not the bird in a cage nor a soldier under your command! you judge and you talk but i truthfully am disappointed by what you all chose to believe, eyes...

our hearts are a wonderful thing even owned by man yet now it is owned by the devil wielding the word "shy", speaking out is like a sin to some yet those who own the light is so confident that they speak and ride their life with a white equus caballus or what we commonly called stallion.
i take upon the word to live with no regrets, regretting the most is to never give it a try in my past! that was my regret,now i dare myself to try almost anything life throw upon me as an opportunity or as an obstacle, no regrets i desire in the future i seek to create.

life's a personal experience worth living
by alvin ooi and nicole thum

*i love my quotes, previously it was life's an experience, somehow nicole helped me and we formed a new one which is "life's a personal experience worth living" to some it may look simple, but it summarise your whole life's experience and don't you agree that all your sweet and bitter experiences are all worth living it day by day? how you fell, how u got your first toy with you crying on the floor, how you first celebrated your birthday and how u scored your first exam or even your first kiss and should i say our first breath upon this wonderful world we all call earth!

status?

2008-04-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

Status is very important in today's world, it is still important last time or centuries ago.

17.4.08
today i got a feeling, i know ppl say money isn't everything but i feel its really nice to have a status where others will just stand in awe, respect and look up to us in envy. i would love
see that i have that and i will work to earn that category* in life.
i see people getting that kind of feeling without much effort, those are the lucky few.i know it doesn't come easy, getting rich in this world is hard but its not possible.
i just want to be someone with material around me. i love spending (sounds girlish) but it makes me happy i dunno why.
i love collecting and finding lots and lots of money. today i learn a new way to earn, its by forex. i know there is a huge way of getting money into my pocket. alot its just too much i dunno where to start.i want to see the world i want to grow my mind i dont want to be so consealed in my house.i want see the world. i decide to travel to KL and be there around a few days either on my own or with a friend or two. i want to learn something from my trip. it'll be a learning trip. i dont care if my parents allow or not but it'll be me on my own. i might find a few stuff to buy back to trade over the net. i must earn back my cost of going to KL. done!

today is a tiring day. i want to kick arse! haha. anyhow. updated!

i pray for. . . . friendship

2008-04-08T10:55:00.000-07:00

friends? accompanied by ship? friendship?

they hold us together,

they float us above thick waters,

yet we fight above all else,

because we come first before them?

we choose self before them,

never did we think about their feelings,

or did we ever thought bout their thoughts,

hard good friends are old,

the longer it is the tastier is is like old hard wine.

heh i once thought friends are not more than a spark of fire which prove no use to me. to my own disorder i was wrong in heart and in soul. i will never be what i am without them, i can never have those loving memories in my childhood and even during my school days. without them i can never know what is the meaning of pain, anger, jealousy, discomfort and most important of all i can never taste what it is to be hurt by someone you love dearly... it is always about giving the more we give the more we will receive. i can never ask for more if i were blessed with one true friend. i would rather have a few good friends than to have an ocean of "hi bye" friend. self ? how can we be in this shoe we are wearing now if it wasn't for those who taught you those silly words, played with you those silly games? we grow at every corner and exchange friends around and throughout our lives. we are fragile and weak species where we need a comfort of the same weak species together to comfort us when times are dark and hard on us. i took the trouble to hate my friends when they work against me but time do heal wounds.. i wish to accept and confront them to have them by my side. i went through my biggest exam without friends around me and took my results on an alone credit and never can i experience what others feel when they have friends around to tell them its okay. i had none of this and this happen on my "spm" result day.. we were born with no one around us,except our family. i wish to have tones of friends to grieve over my death and to fill the cemetry with thousands of people who deeply cared for me. i can never ask for more. i grew deeply sad when i see people around me filled with 5-6 close friends where i have 2 which i can never know if they truly deeply care bout me. i envy my brother's close friends which they are brother's like to each others.

i am happy to meet new people and friends around me and i can never be happier. i know they may think i've forgotten them but this post is a tribute to them that i am happy i came across u! so cheer up and rejoice for i appreciate my friends old and new alike!

friend + ship = friendship

friend + a lil love = love partner

friend + a lil s = friendsss

friend + a blood = brotherhood

ps : "to someone reading this in office" you know who u are, aiyo take a time off and go out with friends they are there to keep you company. don't be angry of me, we know you are pressured by your massive work and ur goals u keep dreaming exp, your mini cooper. ohh you have a very caring friend, stefenie, ewen and lots more cherish them! if ur in my position u will understand why friends are important but dont la till they disturb ur effort in realising your goal~

so all the best don't say "fcuk you~ or this si gina! or celaka or uhh..hmm what else eh u can say oh oh that thumb thing" hahaha cheer up! keep up to your word "im always siao one" so be that and be happy with yourself! i know ur slowly returning to your old self. gambateh ehh dont send me another "u know what" sms to me..shit man make me terkejut ka na sai!

jumbled up... amazing? astounding? not.

2008-04-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

shadow of the day . . . .

unseemingly i feel uncanny about my life. more to those around me. they have always have my top and most regarded respect. i couldn't feel more comfortable with other's theory, belongings, ability and material they produced. how and why is this so? the song is to call out my inner self. i always brief through my day without any much production done. i feel wasted and impossible to be someone as good as those "great" guys.

can i one day blow myself on my own? i can never be sure of that. i have friends around me and i choose to grow not to attach myself. i was told which is better and what is good yet i cannot decide. there are friends who critique my ever actions and there are those who seem to act like they even care one bit but they are not! they choose to pursue their own dreams more. this is becoming more transparent as we grow older. i see people and life around me moving at a much faster pace than i was in high school. nostalgic? i hope not. i grew tired of standing in awe of others around me! i want to create a pasture of amazing aura around me in which others stood before me in awe not me to them! how is this so and possible? i am comforting myself to believe that i can achieve anything i set my neurons cells into action! i can never achieve my dreams if i have none of those seemingly floating desires! truth is i'm used to no dream per day issue. how can such living soul live life in such pattern? im such person. sadly to say i hated myself very much in what i am become of from 19 years of living. birthday is soon to come and yet i don't feel im ready to be a nineteenth boy or should i say young man. i would love to fly but i cannot do so until i develop my own wings...

impatient fool others may recalled of me. i am guilty of being straightforward person without thinking of words

which comes out of my hole which down the food which supply me energy and voice me out to the harsh and

cruel world.

sometimes i am unaware how stupid and straight i am... i am depress over such silly little things that i cannot

think of.. precious time would u give me the time back for me to learn and be a better person? no it cannot return

me my time which is already long gone... oh precious time.

Confused, Undecided, Stressed out!

2008-04-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

Condition?

well. its best said that i am confused with myself and still it doesn't help with self encourage scrolls around my 360 degree surroundings. i am through with what others are doing. i am through with what others think. i am going for what i want later in my life and i will strife to perfect it no matter how hard it is. it seems to me that i will always be a hasty fool and create commotion as i fly along my neurons for actions it doesn't go through enough thought first. why i am such?

confused. yes really i am confused with life's obstacles, obstruction, barrier or what ever u call them. i don't know what to do...i cant find the peace in my mind to tackle them with rational thoughts and calmly pursue my goals or even to strike them down one by one..i am baffled and perplex by my own excuses and inability to move on and pursue even a single drop of goal..

Break ups...

i decide to talk about this. why? simplicity is the key. during my time with a responsibility in which two souls agreed and painstakingly forged together i felt so happy and its like the world stop around me. everything revolves around me but i not only let it go i didn't pay any further attention what so ever to it. i now regret i have done nothing in my quest to improve myself. sadly to say i done nothing but to give and give in which i think is useless in the near future.. yet i am grateful that i had the chance to experience what i call pure feelings in action disregard of what others are thinking and talking about.. i can never find the heart to give that feeling right now.. i just can find the heart to give someone my heart just yet. Why? i can't seem to find the answer even to answer back myself. its maybe i've had enough of this thoughts and felt more comfortable with friends and to give myself more time alone.

I guess i'll stop right here i hope to write more positive things bout myself. i can't keep writing bout sadness and problems. it just doesn't work for me anymore some part in my is crying and shouting out to be release. it might just be something i am missing all along..

well chauz~

Life is challenging

2008-03-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

Random-ness from eugene's blog

2008-03-17T00:23:00.000-07:00

1. England has madcow,Hong Kong has Macau,Russia has Moscow,S'pore has 2 famous cows-'Cow-peh and cow-bo'

2. When ur life is in darkness... ...Pray 2 God and ask Him 2 free u from darkness... .. and If u r still in darkness..Pls pay ur TNBbill.

3. When a man opens the door of his carfor his wife,You can be sure of one thing;Either the car is new or the wife.

4. An angry china man entered a shop and shouted :Where's my free gift with this cooking oil? Shopkeeper : What free gift??China man : Oi, here got put"FREE Cholesterol!"

5. If u need ADVICE, SMS ME,If u need DARLING, CALL ME,If u need HELP, E-MAIL ME,IF U NEED MONEY, Nombor yang anda dail,tiada dalam perkhidmatan kami, Terima Kasih

NOW FOR ALL THOSE FARKERS WHO LIKE CARS

ACURA: Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

AUDI: Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

BMW : Bought My Wife Brings Me Women Brings More Women but, Broke My Wallet

CHEVRO LET: Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere Dead On the Day Guarantee Expires

FIAT: Failure in Italian AutomotiveTechno logy

FORD: Fast Only Rolling Downhill

GM: Garbage MotorsGluteus Maximus

HONDA : Hallmark Of Non-DestructableAutomobiles

MOPAR: Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridicul ously

SAAB: Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually ( this is so not true )

TOYOTA:Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO:Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

Days fly by...

2008-03-16T23:49:00.000-07:00

hey! whassup ? my weird i should be getting to the point. alrite last saturday 15/3/08 i went for pcghs form 6 hiking competition under sports devision activity.i was eager to go for the hike as they will be alot of people (ah alright girls) will be going. hah i went there and saw everyone was wearing their form 6th t-shirts ahhh... rebellious i will always be. i manage to get 9th place the 8th was eric. heh i was grasping for air when i was hiking up the hill. hmmm anyhow we went for a small photoshoot and afterthat me eric and nicholas plus another alvin (chong). we went to new world for lunch and had serious crazy jokes plus normal straight guys fun haha.

after that had a 3 hour nap which i told eric i wont hahah. lost to him aikz... at night we went to koyote! the japanese restaurants with MAIDS UNIFORM! wow in penang unbelievable! steve wanted to go there i just join his eagerness. later that night we disperse and went home.

Night i went for spiderwick with raine she brought along her niece. she was so so so active. kind of reminds me of myself when i was young hyper~ the 9.45pm show was full so we later on settle for 11.45! heh we went to hammer bay for a bite then straight for the movie. some reasons the movie kind of scares me amazing huh? i was scared in certain scenes as the monsters can't be seen and stuff like that. heh chicken me... hmm hmph won't be afraid de, ima guy la adoi!

well today went by school assume as usual. today starts my bet that im changing for the better and mature alvin. did a few mistakes but im sure i;ll be able to transform for the better!
well currently still miss the feeling of being love but im not prepared yet myself i am very particular right now..maybe it was the previous hurt. heh nvm bout that my studies is more important. hmmmm well thats alll~

Change me! Change me!

2008-03-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

A new change in malaysia a new change for me. i'm changing myself by the outside as well inside. its a challenge i challenge myself and a goal as well a promise to myself to show others i am in control of myself.

the changes i am focusing,
able to control over my procrastinating habits,
able to be serious and funny at required times,
being more alert and not too rush in aspect of life,
most important of all this is my change to adulthood.

hmm i guess this is most important. to make an impact and to show others i am capable of doing things like an adult and behave like an adult. i will improve my way of talking and thinking. no more silly talk which result from not thinking first. i will slowly review my every aspect and to try come out with better result. so is my studies. i must not lose to others. i am growing physically and thus mentally i should as well! I've triffle with my 19 years of living without a definite goal. i will thus move forward every single day and lock my target slowly and one by one i shall overcome!

First thing's first, i went to sungai dua with my mum. at first i argued with her that i want to go for a spec in e.spec which located in qbay. she insisted me to go to her friend's shop. i felt angry over her remarks that i am going for the fashionable specs again. im looking for the good boy look specs. hmm oh well i sat quietly and think bout what if i follow her, no harm done rite? at the end i agree with her to go with her. there it was the shop she asked me to follow her. its a typical stand alone shop and not with trends and fashions but with a name for skilled Optometrists. Uni Eye Care was the name. i went in with my heart still feeling very strong on the specs i wanted to buy in qbay. i was being naive and immature with the real worlds taking advantage on buyers. my mum doesnt trust chained shops with success over customers she said its better to go for those with licensed optometrists and not to say reliable.

8/3/08 *i think*
okay now comes the change part.
i went to e.spec and the computer check my right eye was 500 in terms of power...the guy went in to test my eye manually and i told him he cant get a good measurement. he asked me whether i got a good night sleep, yes i told him i got a very good night sleep. he looked puzzled, i was too as on my current state i thought my eye muscle was tense or somthing related to my mind. heh. he kept trying and asking me to close my eyes and at the end he gave up and i walk out of the store thinking he is nice asking me to come back after giving my eyes a good rest. real idiotic and naive of me to think that way.
this day 3 friends followed me and i am happy i got such company. its boring and yet they followed me. thanks steve,eric and raine!

10/3/08
after a few days on monday( yesterday ).
my mum brought me to uni eye wear. okay my journey there wasn;t good did a lot and learn alot. i remembered telling myself to be open minded. this was a case of all doors closes but one opens. which i think is better than all i've found in the market. hmm i spend about 40 minutes finding the right specs untill the higher post girl came and help me out. manage to find about 15 minutes i found it d. she looked like my old employer SUB qbay. heh anyways,i went with the power checking and into the room where the optometrist showed me
her power and it was clearly simple and yet professional! she told me i am using only one eye to see as my left is weak thus making my right eye power went up to 600. it became clear that the e.spec was just only a mere worker with no license on his belt. i smell fear
him when he couldnt get the correct power. hmmm thank goodness i followed my mum. i got the good boy look specs over the more fashionable silver dust look glasses. hmm feel very delighted and for the first time i couldn't wait for my specs to be done! amazing!
anyways i know i'll grow in time to suit my glass heh. now after that specs im going for a hair cut on saturday or friday hehe. well thats how i did recently. okay done. ^^ thanks mum!

oh lately went out with steven,eric and raine quite alot of times and oh i manage to watch 10 000 b.c. it was nice! and stefenie was funny and um rainie accompanied me quite alot of times..lol change for the better. Vote for a change!

Vote for Change

2008-03-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

The polls speaks and the tsunami riding down the politics and the forming of a new small power. A change, it speaks from the rakyat and for the rakyat. i am happy malaysians is getting mature and more to shaping malaysian. where no Kaum is speak of but Malaysian is to represent all races. i love my country very very much! i never wish for a place other than malaysia. whenever i see malaysia in tv i look at it with interest with happiness that malaysia is in national geographic,discovery channel. what makes them so fond of us and make an episode on us? i see singapura taiwan other developing countries getting the credit i grow angry and jealous over the nations across the wide seas. i was happy we could all three different born come together and forge a newer breed of politicians. i know in future there will be more ahead for us, more competition thus more innovation and forward will our nation go. i can only pray that they wont fall for corruption too easily. corruption is alright at least they dont forget the rakyat. dont go overboard and forget us rakyat. dont ever forget our teachings and what we are as malaysians we are independant be mature think of our countries future as our children will be here and let their friends enjoy the fruit that our children is capable of tasting so they wont be alone.
Change i can only hope it will bear good fruit in the future and may our nation grow to be the greatest in southeast asia!

are you Msia's 80s/90s baby?

2008-03-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

If you are Msia's 80s/90s baby,read
through this, we grew up
watching Transformers, Thundercats,
Woody Woodpecker, Chipmunks, Mickey
Mouse, Jem, Mask, Ninja Turtles,
Voltron, Baja Hitam, Ultraman n not
forgettin POWER RANGERS n BUGS BUNNY!!!
and anderra yippa mice? :), McGyver ?

had to brush our teeths during recess
at primary school? had to hold plastic
cups, line up with your classmates
side by side and start brushing our
teeths at some open area... or maybe
near some drain??

do you still remember that we
had 'dentist' rooms where we had to
have our teeths check?

not to forget our 'program minum susu'
in primary school.. everybody is
suppose to buy like cartons of milk
that costed 30 cents.. and you would
see everyone drinking it
everyday...its d UHT milk...

the teachers who would want to punish
us must use yellow rulers to hit us on
our palms?? 1 metre length..

that a bowl of mihun soup or some soup
only costed 50 cents at the school
canteen...

went to some sundry shop near the
school or to the 'roti' man waiting
outside our schools so that we can buy
junk food like chickedees, mamee, ding
dang with some toys in it, 'Ti Kam',
ice-cream and we would play games like
monopoly, uno, old maid, and all other
card games like that...

another fun time would be during
Pendidikan Jasmani. the boys would
play football while the girls would
play netball... and it would be like
we were playing in the world cup...

but of course. the best would be main
guli, batu seremban, bottlecaps, ice-
cream sticks, 'Pepsi Cola one-two-
three', Cops and Robbers, main kejar-
kejar duduk,getah... and for the not
so active, those kind of 'book games'
where we would use buku latihan to
draw and ask our friends to play...

do you remember the ice-cream tubes
which are actually ice and colouring
that are sold for 10 to 20 cents.. the
colourful ones.. where you usually
bite off the top to glup it
down.orange tastes b best..(pop-ice)

what about days when we felt like
doing naughty things such as folding
papers so small to make 'lastik' and
shoot each other... how about throwing
chalks??

back then, micheal jackson was just
turning white.. and still had albums
coming out.. compared to CD's, we were
listening to tapes that sold for
RM9.90...

in computer class, we were still using
black and white computer moniters..
played 'Atari'... maybe SEGA or
NINTENDO..

well, are we all getting older or what?

1) if you understand what you have
read and you are smiling...

2) we have friends from school that
are already married...

3) we shake our heads everytime we see
high school students fussing about
their handphones in school..

4) we don't hang on phone with our
friends for hours a day talking about
nothing...

5) when we meet back with our friends
from time to time, we feel excited and
happy talking about old times, the
funny 'adventures' or stories that we
experienced as a kid..

6) last but not least, that when you
read this, you would think of all the
happy & sad memories that you have
experienced when you were still a kid
and would think of forwarding this to
your old friends that you have known
since forever... i'm sure they would
have a huge smile on their face after
reading this.....

if u feel u're one of them who
experinced this, repost this to share
it wif ur frens... ;)

Work? Cameraman!

2008-02-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

Wha sup!

On the 9th and the 10th i went for a part time work, its a post with cameras, actually dvcams.
heh, well first time take videos for money. haha quite fun tho i prefer taking pictures over taking videos~

Okay start with 9th
its the first day i start my work at Nusmetro showcase office. under the wing of henry butcher, to my amazement everyone look so professional. Except me i think, its because i got an XL t-shirt and i ain't happy with it, oh well im there to work not to linger around,haha. the next thing was to settle down. the manager or the guy incharge of the team brief on us what to do and i got a feeling im like a playboy. heh. i got to set up the printer and later on i shoot a few minutes on the sales and on going customers coming in and out. before hand i dont quite get the hang of it yet tho. everyone's saying what work u do? why not doing ur work? i told em i got nothing else to take d i'm waiting for the event at night. then came 6pm then 7pm thats when i start my video mania. i took pictures of people "yee sang" ing hahaha hmm then saw Stefenie,friend of Raine drop the chopsticks she was supposed to align at the table lol. then at first i thought the two girls was a customer over there but i got a feeling they are not as they are too young to buy a house and i dont see any family around them so later on i found out they are working for an event company. later on at night the fengshui talk, then lion dance accompanied with firecrackers! i loved this part. then the lion dance did a few jumping moves, they are good! hahaha. after that its going home d. oh miserable thing was i saw the Nusmetro's boss car which is white in colour and its so freakin class-sy! wow! and the very next minute i stepped on a human/dog'/cow's shit! i doubt its animal shit coz it has the smell of a human shit.. damn those residents who lived there. cant they find a toilet? yuck ! saw alot foreign workers could be them? (^^)

10th day.
the very next day i arrived late, which i thought i'm late but to my amazement i'm early hahah. i get my things ready and charge ma stuff. siew wern my couz's best friend was vvery weird on this day,
she particulary didnt do any job..plus she just walk around and enjoyed her time,haha i followed as well coz i got nothing to do tho except office boy work. then michael cheng talk to me bout books i am happy he would be so kind to borrow me books or even buy me new ones. heh i ought to becareful with him tho, dont know who he is and he is kind to me lol. anyways later on, we had several lunch and tea time,talk alot bout stuff tho hahaha. then i decide to went up to the showroom. i got to know a lil kid and their family, heh he is studying in my ex primary school, jalan hamilton! i am his senior wha kaka. anyways i saw a japanese family and i am so thrill that i followed them every minute till i got bored lol cant go in the signature part where they close the deal hahaha. hmm had a wonderful time tho. then later on Raine in which came and asked me whether the toilet can be use or not hahaha, i told her of course, its public oriented haha. then i ask her whether she was going to pee or past motion. stupid question to ask a girl. haha she was afraid of the dark. i know that pishh dont tell her. anyways she did her thing and was gone. at 7pm it was my time to shine again and this time i notice her again , she was following the "God of Prosperity" she was the "God of Ang Pau" she had a bundle of em' in her hands! she gave me one. haha then later on both of us including siew wern we got to take videos and pictures of the event. the guy from china was good with the balancing and stuff! heh.. then came the ending part. oh the ending part was hard will miss the two days i've work there yet i learnt alot of stuff from working over there tho. i took pictures with henry,jane,and others. i dared mysefl to take Raine's number tho..cause i didnt really got to know her yet. hahaha

then later on that very night we meet up in New World's Old Town hahaha..then i got to know Stefenie and she treat us the bill...so malu ish now have to treat them to something better lol...hmm dutch style ma easier hehe... later on i went for a game with steven and went home to sleep lolz...this one seem out of catch hahaha.

Restocking my clothes.

2008-01-28T20:41:00.000-08:00

Went to Queensbay to buy a jeans. it has a muddy look and its kind of trendy. i try not to buy trendy clothes as i did before when i was 16 and now its all in the junkyard await judgement-giving-day. The second day which was yesterday i followed my mum to Prangin to scout for cheap jeans.haha guess how much one cost? RM100...damn expensive,trying to save for my mum ended up so expensive. i felt guilty afterwards. Last two years ago one jeans can be brought around RM80 from the same shop. Inflation is a disease and a devil itself! Then i brought a short. i like it very much cause it has a strong material which make it look strong-ish. i dont like it weak on its tip.
upload it when i have the time. okay i manage to squeeze in "Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich" book! "Weee" i've been waiting for so long to get one. "hahaha" so happy on the way back home.

Yesterday i watch a few Clown Walk videos and Melbourne Shuffle videos i want to learn to dance them and master them. i want to express myself through dancing i love to dance i love to voice out my inner self! haha.
i personally like Clown Walk as it is more liquid like and its like the foot is dancing heh..

i manage to state a few items on my wishlist ahah. i will strike em' out when i got them hehe.
thats it for now. on to read my Jack Canfield's book!

a day in me

2008-01-11T01:53:00.001-08:00

well, lately i manage to send my meeting home with satisfaction.this saturday 1/12/2008 will be a roadshow to drag new students in.then later on i manage to be a "bowling representative" for my house team.to be even talking bout house at de age of 19 heh, amazing! went to steve's college, wat i see in their routine is the same as ours.going home or to hang out with friends after class.then slept in the afternoon was so sleepy.i got to get rid of this good for nothing habit haha.
i keep pressing "enterr" hmmm, well later on got to fetch steve to prangin,should i buy myself a short pants? i wonder and wonder but i am not sure if i can buy the short pants.
how can i be a better person? be something more like my friend who can finish her decision in like studying la or any mission she wants to be done?
i can't seem to find the words to say no! would love to say no i got stuff to do and to at least do something with my time for my time.
oh i'm getting myself 2 new books RM120 i think hehe. kinda lost the title of the books de lolz.
hmm hope can learn japanese and mandarin! learning mandarin from book and japanese from friends. mmmm life's tough if i dont know mandarin *motivation saja* blueekzzz mr.blog don't laugh at me coz i don't know mandarin. hmm in order to not call u mr.blog i decide to find a name for you haha.
anyways others may laugh at me but i assure you blogging is healthy and good because you are expressing yourself its the same as in having a pet and keep talking to it all the time.hahaha
should i buy? hmm oh yeah i'm planning to buy clinique next month. eric's buying it this month tho. my hair is bald haha. no lar maybe number 4 like that coz 1 week d.eric's playing basketball rite now. i lazy go d la. neways feel like chatting with ppl but gotta learn to live life without people's accompanying all the way. yeah eric and me plan to plan a new photoshoot it a group this time. im planning to gather a few friends and make sure its going to be GOOD! so they'll pose for it somemore in future. im planning to make a black coat. it's going to be simple and more to japanese hope it wont look like chinese lala... i hope it'll cost below rm200. im going to wear it to my ball this year whakakaka. its going to be one of my favorite coat.. coz currently have white colour only blue one is kinda kid like coz hood pasal but nevermind i'll find way to wear all of them,heh.
its going to be a simple design like ones in final fantasy 8 weared by squall hehe.wait everyone i'll do it and show it to the world! whakakaka. but before that i got to do some research first to find will it suit my style?
im planning to buy new jeans and a dirty green cargo pants and black one too but no money i will save up for them. i need new specs but i can't afford to ask my parents i know this year's goin to be a bad year coz of the fuel going up and all..why desire hor? haha
hey! all the best to readers and gambateh!
i'm off.

psal-603

2008-01-11T01:27:00.000-08:00

holding hands close together.
together we shall walk down the road no matter what the obstructions are.
for i choose to love you
it was one a fantasy to me,a drug to me,a pain to me
yet i desire you more than all other riches in the world.
i smite myself with regrets and shun the world from me for when i choose you
i gave up myself to you from my own selfish wants.

you've been in the morning in the noon in the evening, this is the hardest part
every morning every nap i wake up from
no longer beside me no longer with me from the outside no longer mine
everything to me but not anymore.
time can never heal for the moment i saw you in someone's else arms
in it i saw you've grown up and have decided to moved on.
i thanked you for the moments we've shared together we've been together
i can never asked for more a loving teen partner than you
the time we quarrelled times we would say love times we smile and laugh
it is in me forever i promise you.

depression gets me best but when ur around im happy
im delighted to have you around me
to share my hurts my happiness
to advice me for what i dont do best
little bit of your love makes my heart go round
it shakes me early in the morning and push me
i thank you
psal-603
i loved you once
*teeth*

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

its from a song a song which describe how i feel.
mika - happy ending.

Ketsui No Asa Ni (english translation)

2008-01-03T02:00:00.000-08:00

Ketsui No Asa Ni (english translation)

If you want to do something.
Then sketch out your pitiful dream
If you want to do something.
then sketch out your dream, with badly lit,but pleasant love
You don't have to pretend,
not being very cool suits you well

The more effort we put into it
the more fruitless our journey is
Our hands and feet fly everywhere, like we're in an elementary school parade
Living life, isn't it great?
So being laughed at by people definitely feels alright

The real me is shut away
in the depths of my heart
3615 human, to put it plainly now, we don't stop!
But I'm still acting Tough,
I'm still putting up a barrier
I'm fighting with the pain

Times are tough, I wish I could say that that's how I feel
We're a couple of laughing cowards acting tough
Even though I'm lonely, I'm pretending to be just fine
In order to protect myself.
who feels like he's about to crumble
It shouldn't be only me
that feels these feelings of having no place to turn to
I'm carrying with me
This restless loneliness..

I'm indifferent to the pain of others
When I'm really being myself. I get insecure
I hate people, and I think only of being unhappy
I whine about the things that I'm deprived of.
I scream and cry like a 3 year old kid
I'm sitting and waitinng for my afternoon snack, called love

Not giving in to the reflections in the asphalt
Walking with my own feet, I looked at people, and thought
If I could move.
If there was a place I wanted to head to
then I would walk there with my own feet

There were nights when I wasn't sure if I'd be able to
Get my real smile back again
supported by the warmth of the people that I love
I thought that maybe I should try to believe, one more time

Times are tough, I wish I could say that that's how I feel
We're a couple of laughing cowards acting tough
Even though I'm lonely, I'm pretending to be just fine
In order to protect myself.
who feels like he's about to crumble, but
My mistakes and scars, being replaced
and the days when I was about to cry
They're all proof that I lived my life, as myself
If you want to do something, then from now on
Sketch out your pitiful dream, with more strenth than anyone else
Reading your captulation, and holding your head high, without hesitation
keep singing about a person called yourself

Japanese band

2008-01-03T01:46:00.000-08:00

Aqua Timez

i like the lead singer very much,so i decided to share with people how good they are!
these are their pictures! i like this song very much "ketsui no asa ni"

youtube link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnjoNLov0D

smoke in my lungs

2008-01-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

i once have smoke going into those tiny lungs of mine. i was curious and i wanted to know why so many souls smoke and clustered their two irreplaceable lungs with smoke made to gain their life and dirty system called money.

well, how it start?

i asked for it from my lil sis's boyfriend.its being held by my puny lil fingers and its burning as i look at em' never was i so near a cigarette. me n my best friends swore not to get addicted to it what more smoke it. i smell it,it has a smell the smell of stupidity. then there it was the first breath i took,it went into my lungs.. i was amazed because it has no feeling no excitement in it.. was i different from others? no,i'm just as same but it taste nothing to me. it has nothing not even a single feeling in my body. i was satisfied and proved to myself that smoking is just plain dumb and stupid. it waste money n it waste my life. so freakos out there stop it before it get into your nervous system. thats where u grow addicted to it. you wont live to enjoy life. without smoke u cant feel, be happy, enjoy adrenaline and excitement as normal as we are suppose to!

be good and never grow with smoke. they kill. they grow greed in you.well a simple story on how i live to prove to myself how smoke taste. oh it has taste on your mouth not in your lungs!
so SCREWW OFF SMOKE DUMBO-S!

a step behind.

2008-01-01T07:06:00.000-08:00

there is a month called december,just move a step behind from today and you'll see what lies behind. don't move too fast and look in front too hastily. you'll regret it one day,i assure u don't live life too fast.

december,

a month where i'm the closest to God. in which i am not ashame to spill He is my greatest friend! He is the one who will always be with me no matter how others have shun and hate me for who i am. i seek Him when i'm troubled. to many,i know he's been around me from
21/10/2007
even more before this very date. i know she is gone for one reason and another is why she is taken from me.
for the reason i have no battered treatment towards them and i learn to pick up myself from numerous falls and trials. i shun not to Him but i seek courage in me to respect and worship Him.
22/10/2007. why? why have i not talk to her more? why now she's somewhere i can never reach by technology nor by my loud voice?
she's always there to lecture me and point my mistake out. she's a teacher a pasionate family member to me. i can never have ask for a more loving and good grandma than her. why have i not realise this earlier?she is someone i fail to appreciate and love. she is someone who actually cared for me and love me.
i am so depress right now. whenever i think of her i grow sadness in my plump and fragile red beating heart. grandma i love you.

i've learn alot from bible camp and no one deserve the greatest thank you. its her emmilyn for inviting me.i never regret a single bit to going to the camp. it can never be erased from my memory. i thank GOD for asking emmilyn to invite me!

Titus and IGGC thank you for accepting me.. he and the others makes it so easy for me to fit in.
i can never say more than thank you ! basketball? counter lastic? bbq? what it is, it is not only for fun but for friendship to grow and for the church to shine its power onto mere gimmick of people like me.

i rest my case for i am too lazy to move one bit of words so to say i am lazy :P

Unleaded Energy

2007-12-27T07:06:00.000-08:00

Ahh,i feel energized. . .
the feel to run about and keep on banging and ramming. Did i go too fast? or did i just sprint through everything in ma life? ahh look at the pic it shows you team work. no one man show. its true our world revolves in everything related to each another whether we like it or not. No one man show.. Bill Gates rely on everyone's need to be rich.General's rely on his soldier so he could win battles. Students need teachers and so is the way round.

what will become of the world if the world suddenly degenerate and whats left of us relying on it so much with our lifes... whether its global warming or ozone layer.. we need to take care of everything and everyone. i tend to forget about my friends and people around me. Family closest to me i tend to forget and toss aside. secrets it is to others that i rely on others more than my ownself. i need people i need friends and even enemies i am grateful for. without them i am not the alvin i am today. tho people who dislikes me are more than those who actually likes me i am happy they love and like me for what i really am! thank you! seeing those who throat cut my thigh and my lungs and fill them with hurt is something i am grateful..if not for them i wont learn the hardship of being betray and being hurt. those who trully matters to me i treasure.To those who despice me i am afraid i appear in your journey.

Life is it fair? no but if i learn to love what i have right now i'm sure i have more than enough.. i seriously love having someone love me and care for what i am.i miss tat feeling very very much. movies makes me jealous. friends makes me wonder. strangers makes me desire...i havent find someone i can really devote my time for yet...who will she be? when can i know if she is the one i want right now? chances are closin' people are fighting and what am i to wait?
listen to music around u dont tear others apart because u want something yet u cant promise them u'll be with them forever wat more to love them ?

useless effort on relationship

2007-12-25T19:59:00.000-08:00

wreakage?

no topic is only a topic unless it is spread around with love and passion. so relationship is just that if no love and bonding is put into effort.

First they were sweet and then they quarrel later on they wreak havoc by insulting and accusing. whats next? no that...just yet. each grow tired yet inside them they loved each other very very much. what's the barrier? always being together? ego? reluctant to compromise? people are always like that selfish even with their closest and loving ones.. they go out the ring meddling with other sexs.. chit chatting with them forgetting their sworn promise to one another... trust is a terrible thin air to collect its hard even to collect sand futhermore thin air? years to collect a pile,losing in seconds... negative has a trait of wining over silly matters while positive struggles even tho the matter is enough to save a life... slowly they sleep futher away, losing the touch and some say sweetness between them. one may have others in their mind of being pampered by fake smiles and treatings. one is worried or not even bothered. from sleep far apart grows into the next room... what else? seeing each other is enough no words is exchanging no hugs is given, what more can a kiss being laid upon lips?

breaking up is already so hard and painful,why build it up by casting stupid actions and words upon the ship both build upon over hardwork and time? isn't it a waste of time and feelings? Feelings come free and happy why cast hatred upon it and shallow yourself? don;t u feel ashame? don't u feel a silly guilt? no one understands... is it just an entertainment? how sure can one be? u guilt and make every living being a mighty shame and failure!

Love is not a fire to play with, its a fire you raise to which will comfort and shelter u

everything to me

2007-12-23T20:57:00.000-08:00

I grew up in sunday school
I memorized the Golden rule
And how Jesus came to set the sinner free
I know the story inside out
I can tell you all about
The path that led Him up to Calvary
But ask me why He loves me
And I don't know what to say
But i'll never be the same
Because he changed my life when He became...
Everything to me
He's more than a story
more than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breath
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
He's everything, everything to me
We're living in uncertain times
And more and more I find that i'm aware
Of just how fragile life can be
I want to tell the world I found
A love that turned my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see
Now everyday I'm praying
Just to give my heart away
I want live for Jesus
So that someone else might see that he is...
Everything to me
He's more than a story
more than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breath
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
He's everything
And looking back over my life at the end
I'll go to meet you saying you've been...
You're everything to me
You're more than a story
More than words on a page of history
You're everything to me
You're more than a story
More than words on a page of history
You're the air that I breath
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
You're everything to me
Lord, you're everything to me

ps : This song is sung by Avalon.
I'm attracted to this song as it is so pure of heart and not to say its fullfilling. words can't explain but it is a Godsent masterpiece.

Forsaken shall he, "personal"

2007-12-19T09:57:00.000-08:00

due to immature control and stability i suffered a great deal of pain. why am i so insecure and unconfident with myself? am i not the one to control myself? why am i just mingling and juggling with my own time and not make use of them?

Words does not describe my self desires. i seek what is not for me and i own what is for me,that is the reality which almost apply to nearly everyone on the breathing air.
A big sigh? is it enough? i don't think so, time doesn't constrain... Life is just drooling away. i'm just investing my pair of thoughts and touch of my heart in something that will not even work out. but how am i to know,for the future is not for me to peek but to live it down fully with anticipation. Grumbling and worrying is my daily trotten lane,shall i seek this road forever till i lay on my wooden bed?i am ashame of what makes me. i seek other's acknowledgement but not my own. i loof around in others mind yet my own i discard. personal account,he has encounter what he had encountered before but now has the problem grown and leave him baffled.i am entangled and i wish no longer to do any relation with the weed that has rug and tied me down. i want my own decision, my own personal desire, my own wants... i wish not to live under the nutshell of others but my own. i also want things be done not yak around... i seek courage and the strength to do all this... i wish not a living follower of other shadows but the shadow's of my own. i see thy loving power...i dread thy four letters...yet i seek it more than water itself...

ps : it is to do with me not anyone else.

innocence feelings "personal"

2007-12-18T07:28:00.000-08:00

well just came back from bible camp held by island glades gosple church. it was a fun and great! i learn alot from camp, not only myself but my way on life and people around me. i'm happy to be so close to God. it may sound squeeky but i am happy and thankful i can be so close to Him..
the girl wore a flower on her hair..it means something yet i was shy and decided to tell her how i feel after camp. tho i made it by telling on the way home it shook me and i felt so shy and happy and blushing and suprised all at the same time not to mention depress as well! i know not how she felt but i hope it won't make us feel weird afterwards as she didn't express how she is and how she'll response to my confession... it is so so un me since i last confess to the girl i like...brings back unwanted feelings and it is an addiction to being love and to love someone.. no matter how i've grown over the past 2 years~

ahhh...gonna go call someone d. hmm life's an experience so learn everything from it~
nivlacryle~ arystopher d' lacryle

Marbles and Bangles

2007-12-18T07:04:00.000-08:00

look at the bangle..
look at the marbles..
look at the background..

things can never be this simple in real life.. greenish background.. marble being together as one bangle together from different parts of the world...
we get together because we feel we're from a same place,same skin,same background...what has it the same criteria makes us feel comfortable and yet the others makes us puke? why can people from different places fight and not being together? are we not human beings ? yet we kill each other result from anger,power and damnation.. what really matters to us we tend to see it in blurry effect like the greenish and precious background in which we not only ignore but un appreciate it. two marbles represent a couple whom stick so much together when hands brought them together but when the sweet love dies will they make effort to move together to each other closely? can they and will they? lots of distrust and divorce happen over time becoz of mistrust and adultery... how we forgot that they are the ones we are attracted and are attracted to...why now other marbles? why now forget the ones whom we spend our times and effort with? can no man trust their actions and live by their promise?
no man's land..is it just a word? it refers to love and unity how can one unite when they put no effort and time to bring each marbles together and the bangle together? how can one appreciate those mean less to us but means alot to us? it is on our hands to make things right!

for those who seek love a form of pleasure and to quench their desire i spit at you,i despice you and not only you disgust me but ur fore ancestors and future children. your no more lower than a dung by the road side! rotten and is despice by everyone. you tend to wear a skin to cover ur smelly foul smell i dare say u'll be seen one day from ur evil acts and lies! Rot in the sewers may u be!

number 7~

2007-12-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

i am confused and yet remain cool. i'm having problem understanding my own feelings...they enrage and root into my heart. what more can i say? the underlying feelings is so strong..i can never sustain it anymore..it hurts yet it provide my hunger and feeds me...i feel happy and so alive around her. what should i do? to like her is so difficult with everyone discouraging me. why? what is their meaning behind the obstacles they lay ahead of me?
am i a chaotic person ? or am i just a threat to them ? being a good person is so hard yet others make it look like its easy. Love a four letter word whom i hate it once a few months ago. i grew to know that people will change and they will not know what they're doing till they've lost or starting to lose it.. i once hate it for it let me down so many times i don't even think its worth it anymore to invest my feelings and trust in it. but no man can live without it, whether its man or woman. it is easily the cure for everything, it stretches far yet it seems to be what everyone wants in their life...

its true i made a promise or rather a word to myself if i were to end my relationship with pei wen i would not get into a new one till i'm satisfy with myself in terms of my improvement, yet here i am entangled in a new one whom i dont know why i'm attracted to like bees to flowers.
is it a addiction ? why those who haven't tasted love will not go into like no man's business yet i crave for care and love from her and it tickles my heart so soundly i felt it melt when she ask how am i? are you alright? don't worry already k? these words sound so innocent and it makes me happy. but what is it ? why am i doubting myself is it the trauma left behind from the past? it is already in the past! she's no longer the one in my past why bother thinking so much? i mustn't treat her and suspect her or put the blame on her...she's a total different person from the girl in the past..

Monkey Beach "personal"

2007-12-06T07:28:00.000-08:00

last saturday 2/12/07 we went to monkey beach to enjoy our day. well whose we? mmm..

me,
eric,
emmilyn,
rachel,
ee thing (> . ^) dunno how to spell
kah wei,
alot more...

we were suppose to reach there at 8am..but end up 8.35 lol... malaysian time i suppose.
well i was so surprised to see so many ppl so end up becoming shy..hahaha...anyways emmilyn complained she hate the hike which took us around 1 hour and 45 minutes.. its not actually a hike its more of a walk lolz...
well when we reached there we were so delighted and happy coz the beach was so beautiful and nice.i am hoping to go to kerachut..i want to see the beach and the "jeti" which is in the center of the beach..its so romantic and good for my photography collection too!
hehe. we ended up playing a introduction game which kah wei was more of a taikor to us all..then afterwards we went on playing beach football and i ended up getting hit by the ball on the chest...lolz...
eric was interested with the banana boat thing and played it for the first time..it was my 2nd time playing and its worth it RM 7 only lol...by the way took pictures with emmilyn. oh i forgot she made brownies which tastes funny but i can't seem to help myself crunching them down my throat. well after the banana boat ride we went home using the speedboat. heh..we ended up getting wet from the speedboat.

end of the day i forgot what i did later on...it was hot and all....welll we had fun! thats important!

sumo with myself "personal"

2007-10-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well my aunt lend me a book called SUMO.
actually its short form for Shut Up Move On,its a very good book for me because i've learn a lot and i do mean a lot! "haha" well actually it taught me how to look life a different ways. i've learnt alot since this seven to eight days.I thanked God for showin' me this way although it hurts..i know it must have meant or not it won't happen. i feel its all link one after another. i'm now trying to suit myself to just trying to improve myself and work to make my life better and not to live my life under other people's palm. well this is how i express but if u got more i shall write myself out alright? i don't expect any comments from anyone yet though but time will tell.

Haha,i still love to simply write crazy literature.. it all started last few years and thanks to E Thing for the support haha..thanks!

well here goes,

Suffering doesn't trick the look on your neurons,it hold a truth no other minds can see,yet no one can encrypt it into a language that all living soul can read. life may seem perfect but destruction in the heart has no brake to shed for every soul sinned one way or another. lies tred upon honest faces yet people seem to live on it as they are addicted to the only thing hurting them, machine of capabilities but sick in depth and whole is best describe as humans who feed on greed and the unlimited need for just about any living material or dust for life is pushed after another and sin is done from every angle of life. dear not to things about you for there is always possibility for the soul to be scar upon others.why i have not listen to these hints and heed? does similarities so hard to spot? why would i invest so much in knowing that i would be hurt in the end? does my self nature the only landmark holding me from living life to the fullest and enjoy what we've been enjoying so far from the first baby was born? how could i be so timid of changes and so stupid of improvement? day dream of all eternity is what i seek and yet i do nothing and lower than dreams?

listen to yourself now,or everything is to late for you. the earth's circle doesnt wait for a turn nor does it wait for me...

hope u all like it..
today i;m going to queens bay haha to go buy esprit cap or maybe go watch chuck and larry.. haha with her.

break ups

2007-10-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

Well, break-ups are never easy.
I can't give you any advice.
But I do know that the best thing to do now is to just give her time. I know you'll miss her.. a lot. But in these kind of situations, the more you try to do, the worse it gets. I've learnt from experience is to just leave them alone. Then meanwhile, lead your own life. Try to do the things you used to enjoy as a single person and things you could have done with your guy buddies.
In due time, if the girl is meant to be, she'll know how to come back to you. If not, the least is that you can still be respectful friends.

You must need to move on.
Be sad if you have to. But if it's not meant to be, then just be happy it happened and move on.
There're still a lot more to life. :)

P/S: My relationship was never that much better either. But I've kind of learnt to just let it be. And letting go actually saved the relationship.

Kev

Supportive text from my brother.

2007-10-07T04:47:00.000-07:00

Bro,

Love IS important. But before you can truly love someone, you must first learn to love yourself.
I understand it may be taxing and stressful to be in a relationship where the female may be better in certain areas (education, finance, social, or etc). We can't deny that men do generally have ego.
Perhaps that is why you feel lost and confused.
But, as how I started this mail.. Before loving someone, one must learn to love oneself. Try to discover yourself. Explore your strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has their own talent and capabilities. Academic ellence is not the only thing that is important in life. There are a lot many other things in life. Find out what you feel you are good at, then work hard to improve it. To be honest, even I feel lost at times.. if not often. That is normal. Stress and anxiety can be a good thing. It keeps us on our feet and to keep going. Meanwhile, education can be the basis and foundation while you are learning to get to know yourself better.
Remember, it is not the destination that is the most important, but the journey. And every journey starts with putting one of your foot forward.
It doesn't matter if you do not achieve your goal. What matters most is that at the end, you are able to stare yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, you did your best and there was nothing else you could have done better. And smile. And be proud. :)
Then after that, move on and set another goal.
With all that said, success is not measured by your salary, what you possess or any other material status. I believe it should be measured by how many times you did your best and also by being proud of it.

With all the above said, before you make any mistakes in your relationship. Ask yourself if the times you have spent with Pei Wen were some that you enjoyed most in life. If they were, then do not make the mistake of quarrelling for the wrong reasons. Never pick a fight because you lacked self-esteem or because you feel less significant. Instead, strive to work harder and improve yourself. People will not measure you by what you have but what you have done. At least I will.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to go on that matters most.

Love,
Kev

PS : Bro,thanks for your support. i'm grateful to have a brother like you!

Sadness in me

2007-10-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

two days passed by,

since the d-day for me. life has its way of unfolding itself,i've learnt it the hard way.Things will definitely be uprooted no matter how deep it is. life was mediocre but not it has downhill till i
couldn't even imagine. i invest into the things i thought it won't rip me apart but i was wrong,things wasn't
as naive as i see it was. no time to protect even my dearest heart. its poison by even the closest person beside me.i choose to believe in her yet i can't control in believing the fact that she's the snake!

how can ever one live its life with total security? i can never say more. there is none. life will never be the same again for me,regrets over regrets i've live my entire 18 years of my life full of regrets. no one knew how much i'd suffered or how little joy i've gathered? the dream was certain,through my acts came another acts cast upon by not my hands but the hands of those i loved! maybe this dream was to wake my wrath? or was it to wake a giant up? i don't understand, life has never been easy. all round the world has enrich itself with sinners and evil,holiness in this land is no more. i never will trust a single soul in my life again. the experience i got uphold a strong meaning for me,that is there is no promise in the words of a human being! those who choose now seeks to destroy themselves and those who choose otherwise trick them into believing they are the same foul creature they lived on to be with. never was life ever more beautiful in me from two years back.
was it just another dream? or was it just a spell cast on me to enrich me that the world is not it seems it is.

why me?
why not even a slight hinch?
was it my core which failed me?
or was it just pure fate?

when did things turn out this way? then life was never fine n nice to me, why is there people who grew stronger every day while there is others who are left behind. what's my purpose in this life? why am i so lenient towards myself. this is the being i'm going to spend my time in, why can't i have full control over it? don't things work out the way they wanted ? and why not me? why do people changed hearts? why do they easily fall prey to desires and wish? is this how things work in this world?

i'm always so weak.
is this what i need to survive?
i know angels won't live by me and guide me to the right path

thank you for hearing me out.may the angels be by your side and may god bless you no matter what religion your in!

*life's an experience*